It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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