a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
