I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
