So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
