the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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