Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
