I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
