when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize