Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
id be glad to
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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