She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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