the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
