My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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