I hate all girls vehemently.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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