So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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