I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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