Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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