he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
