Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
