Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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