i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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