Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
