I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
