Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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