A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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