Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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