Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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