i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
