I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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