Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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