Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
