she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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