if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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