He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
