they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
