I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
