We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize