i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
