; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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