I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
