whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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