if i can run in heels then i can drive
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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