Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
