pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
