does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
