i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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