Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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