You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
