I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We got so high we made milksteak
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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