Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
