Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
