took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
