took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
