So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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