haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
50% drunk capacity currently
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
