wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize