He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had to cum in my sink.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
