I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
