Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
