If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
