so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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