I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
