cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize