wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
