yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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