She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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