Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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