Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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