We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize