you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
