He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
