I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
