We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
