I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
