Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
