Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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