What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
