turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
