She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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