The maid of honor just puked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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