hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
