Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
