Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
