dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
