Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
