He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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