This house was built for laser tag.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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