i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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