Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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