Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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