I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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